I am a gelatinous mass
Roughly the shape and size of a
Bean bag chair- a big, soft, pink one.
I had a drop attack yesterday morning. That’s about three months and a week since the last one. It was a weird one; my knees sort of buckled, then I tripped. Usually I just crumple.
My memory is a bit spotty about it. Trouper was, of course, immediately by my side looking out for me. That’s what stands out most. I don’t remember getting up.
I’m pretty disappointed. I was supposed to go with my father to Brew at the Zoo. I’ve wanted to go to one of those for a while and I hate breaking plans. I ended up going back to bed and staying there longer than I should’ve.
I saw my psychiatrist on Friday. The last time I saw him he said that I if I got to a stable point (where technically I was when I saw him) he would consider moving me to a different medication. The medication in question is generally known to cause weight loss, which I desperately need.
He says that he doesn’t recall saying that and that he would prefer I talk to my neurologist before he changes my medication. I don’t see my neurologist until the beginning of July.
So, more disappointment.
According to all the scales I’ve weighed myself on, I’ve gained 5 – 15 lbs since I’ve been put on the Depakote. It’s the heaviest I’ve ever been and it is the worst thing in the history of anything ever.
Not because of aesthetics. I can’t imagine anyone could even tell at this point.
No, I just feel like shit all the time. Just sluggish and lightheaded. Put that on top of the back pain and I can’t get anything done.
It’s possible the lightheadedness is caused by the Depakote, mind. Another reason I want to drop it.
I’m trying my best to push through. My dad and I just got back from a trip to Rehoboth beach where it rained for four days straight. In a majestic swarm of counter-productivity we ended up going out to eat every night. I got home and decided to immediately jump into a new diet/exercise regimen. Namely calorie counting and swimming.
I don’t ever want to feel the way I felt at the end of that trip again. It’s a pretty effective motivator. Let’s see how long it lasts…
I’ve left good news for the end! The Johns Hopkins bariatric center finally called me back: they approved me for a consultation! I see them in less than three weeks.
I’ll fill you in more about that later.